Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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