I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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