Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
