They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
