Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Randomize
