Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
