remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
