One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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