R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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