I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
