hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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