We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize