did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
