tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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