who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
