if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
