Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
