I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
