Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
