We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
