For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
