At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
