I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
