nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
