I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
