when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
