I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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