its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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