this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
