She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
