how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize