This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
