I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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