too bad you live with your parents still
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize