New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
