Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
