Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
