VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
