My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
