Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize