I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
