Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
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