For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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