even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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