I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
