i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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