Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
