I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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