he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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