I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Randomize
