She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Randomize
