I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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