I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
