When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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