The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
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