Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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