Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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