Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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