is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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