Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Brb crying the tears of my youth
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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