PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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