i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
