If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
