Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
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