R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
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