even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
