I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
