Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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