This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
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