i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
cat food counts as protein by the way
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
