I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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