Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
