im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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