no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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