you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
