he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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